Monday, February 20, 2012

Ivy B... Having a "Fabulous" Day

Hello my Bee's

Please note the quotations around the "Fabulous"...sigh...I don't mean to whine or load you down with my emotional baggage. I'm just have one of those Monday's that created the phrase "Case of the Monday's".

Since my last entry, the one where I apologized for neglecting you all, I've had  a ride on the ol' emotional roller coaster. It was fun while it lasted, but today I've been kicked out of the park and into a carnival dumpster.

I know boo hoo...who doesn't have bad days and I shouldn't complain because I can credit my glorious mood swing to a Performance High which took place on Feb.11th. It was truly glorious. I not only got to act (which in a huge passion of mine), but I got to star in a play I wrote (perks of writing a play), cast whom I wanted and direct it. And, it was for a great cause. The audience loved it, my cast was wonderful, my family and friends were proud (my daughter brought me flowers) and as I stood on that stage while the audience stood up for us, my heart almost burst with happiness. It was one of the most enjoyable theatrical experiences of my life.

And then...after the pride comes the fall...

I'm a moody girl to begin with, but after I have an incredible high, I am guaranteed to have a low. It's a horrible, bottom of the well feeling and this time I was hoping I could avoid falling in it. I thought, since I've other projects on the go (oh yes my Bee's...fear not...Ivy is working on something new), my family and friends to support me, news of nothing but positive reviews about our play I really believed that this time I would be able to artfully dodge the inevitable crash.

However, last week instead of seeing hues of blue, I saw washes of red. I was angry and easily irritated, but not in a piss people off kind of way, but in a "ha, ha...you're witty with a touch of rage this week." It wasn't intentional of course, but I realize now that the grouch in me was acting as a shield. It was trying to keep the sadness at bay.

Unfortunately, it seems that some things are just meant to be. When I woke up this morning to the static sounds our local news, I felt awful, low, sad, spent; no my Bee's it is a fact that you cannot sweep your feelings under the rug when you've been hit by the blues broom...

No it is apparently the written in the universal order of things that I am unable to fight my natural cycle of emotional turmoil.  As I hit my head on a nail this morning, the situation of my psyche really hit my nail on the head; I need to stop trying to fight my natural feelings. This is true for me and it could be true for you. If, like me, your mind feels you need to have a low after a high, you will not be able to hide from it; it will track you down and deliver the goods to you in a big, soul crushing embrace.  

So, the cure? Hop on the broom and ride 'er out. Embrace it back, love it, let it fuel your creative energy and listen to Bad Boyfriend By Garbage

The louder the better.


Next time I visit, Ivy will B better.

xoxo

1 comment:

Linda Kage said...

Ah, the life of an artist. I know what you mean exactly. I can be all bummed out after a bad review on one of my books and a day or two later, I'll finally tell my husband about it. He'll be all like, "oh, THAT'S what was wrong." Here, I thought I'd been so cleverly hiding it too. But ya just can't.

Here's lots of hugs to you from Kansas! Just think, once you hit rock bottom, there's no where else to go but up. Things can only get better from here.